Desperately Seeking Shemale

It’s new release time! Here’s an exclusive preview of author Budgie Bigelow’s latest, Desperately Seeking Shemale which went live today.

Cindy left her house shortly after arriving home from work that evening. She promised her best friend, Katie, that she would make a pot of jambalaya to bring over when she visited this weekend. Looking through her ads on the counter, she noticed that Macho Mart had the sausage she needed on sale, buy-one-get-one free. “BOGO!” she exclaimed to her empty kitchen. She grabbed her keys and ran out of the door.

            Cindy ran through the rain back to her car. She sat in the driver’s seat, realizing she left her jacket inside and now her NY Jets shirt was all wet. It was OK, since it was her black one. Rather than ironically run through the rain again to get her coat, she put her key in the ignition and drove off.

***

            Ron had finished saving the world one report at a time by two o’clock, and now he was busy cleaning it up one aisle at a time. He was trying to focus on the tedious task at hand to avoid dwelling on the “conversation” with his wife last night. Continuing the fight to dodge against the slow passage of time, he studiously avoided eye contact with any clock in his presence. Days like today, time slows to cold molasses the more you watch it tick by. The best thing to do was to let the shitty grocery store music hypnotize him as he restocked the store’s rapidly dwindling stock of BOGO sausages. Since they put it on sale, he couldn’t keep it on the shelves. The people of North Haven loved their sausage.

            While punching a box he’d just emptied to flatten it, he looked up to see a mother and son walking towards him. The boy appeared to be around the same age as his daughter, and he was instantly thrown back into his earlier ruminations about the daughter too far away to see (even if she had wanted to see him). The boy had on a pajama set that made him look like a giraffe from head to toe. He was even wearing the hood of the outfit, making the transformation to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reject complete. Suddenly, Ron realized he’d stared at the kid too long, and his mother was leveling a dirty look at the creepy old man. They passed him without a backwards glance, taking two packages of sausage with them.

            “Don’t be pissed at me,” Ron muttered under his breath as he opened a fresh box of sausages. “I’m not the one who dressed your damn kid like Silence of the Giraffes in public.” Behind him, a woman’s barely stifled giggles surprised him enough to pucker his asshole. To his delighted relief, the red-head behind him was trying to smother a brilliant smile as she faced Ron. Ron smiled back, wishing he had something to say.

            “Is that the sausage that’s on sale this week?” she asked, somehow suppressing her mirth.

            “Oh yeah”, Ron replied, holding a box in his hand. “I’m the guy with the sausage.”

            Thank God, he thought. That comment could have gotten him fired as easily as it earned him a smile. The woman couldn’t have been older than twenty-eight or twenty-nine, with shoulder-length dark red hair and nails to match. She wore a black Jets t-shirt, and from the way the material clung to her gorgeous breasts, she’d obviously gotten rained on. Chilled by the grocery store’s air conditioning and sausage coolers, he watched as goose bumps stole up her arms, and, like magic, her nipples harden into perfect little heads under her shirt. Her breasts looked like a perfect handful. There was a stirring in Ron’s pants he usually saved for his various Internet adventures. He gulped and tried to ignore the stirring.

            “Well now,” she said, blushing a bit. “You think I can take some of those sausages off your hands, or are you just going to stand there holding them all night?”

            “You sure can,” Ron said smiling like a goon. He handed the woman over the package of sausage he was about to shelve. “Here you go. I like a lady with a bit of sausage.” Ron wished his over-tired brain processed that last sentence before he just blurted it out. Whether he was overworked or stressed or any number of things, Ron had just stepped in it big time if she didn’t smile at that. Less than a second must have passed, but it felt like forever. Please smile again, he thought.

            She did smile (finally). “Wow,” she said with a goon-like smile of her own that Ron thought lit up her face. “I usually don’t get this kind of service here from someone handling my meat.”

            “I’m only a part time meat handler when I’m not office jockeying. I’m Ron by the way.”

            “Cindy,” she said, smiling widely. “It’s really nice to meet you, Ron.”

            “Likewise,” Ron said. “If you ever anything else, I’ll be glad to help. I know plenty about produce too.”

            “No produce tonight, Ron,” said Cindy. “I’m just a lady after a bit of sausage. It was really nice meeting you. Maybe next time I’ll catch you in produce and we can talk about cucumbers.” Cindy gave Ron one last perverted smile.

            “I’m partial to the zucchini myself,” Ron said returning the perverted smile.

            “Well then…” Cindy paused, apparently waiting for something or deciding on whether or not to add something else to the short conversation. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

            “I guess so,” Ron said as Cindy began to leave. “Have a good night and thank you for shopping at Macho Mart.”

            Cindy turned and laughed before almost knocking over a cardboard display of crackers (2 for $4!). Ron watched her for a minute. Not that bad from the back either, he thought. As if she heard the thought, Cindy turned around one more time, and gave him a little wave before getting in line to check out. Ron went back to work, happily handling sausage.

***

            Cindy drove home still giggling to herself about the short conversation she had with Ron over sausage in the Macho Mart meat department. She wanted to kick herself for pausing while deciding to add something else, but she decided to just say goodbye and check out with her sausage.

            Cindy usually didn’t stop and flirt with men she just met. For her, it could lead to disaster. Ron was a nice enough guy and cute too (maybe if he shaved and did a bit of exercising, he’d clean up nice at least), but it was better for her to keep her distance. Some of the comments he’d made had charmed her at first, but suddenly she felt uneasy about them.

            How could he know? she thought as she drove her Camry home to her parking space outside of her two-bedroom condo in Hamden near the North Haven town line.

            Cindy’s phone began buzzing in her purse as she walked in the door, putting the plastic bag containing the sausage on her counter. She saw that it was Katie, and she answered. “Hi,” she said. “What’s up?”

            “Just seeing how the jambalaya is coming along,” Katie said. “We’re looking forward to it this weekend.”

            “I haven’t started yet,” Cindy said. “I have days and days before the weekend is here. Stop riding me!” Katie was Cindy’s best friend, and they knew everything about each other. She could tell Katie about her run in with the sausage guy from Macho Mart. Why not? It as funny, after all.

            “The weirdest thing happened to me today,” Cindy said, adding a little mirth to her voice.

            “What?” Katie asked, excitedly. “Tell me!”

            “Well,” Cindy said, drawing the conversation out for drama’s sake. “I was at Macho Mart and -” Cindy stopped herself as she looked at the bag she put on her counter with the package of sausage that the guy named Ron had handed her.

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            “Oh shit!” Cindy exclaimed. “I forgot to get my free sausage!”

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